i just wanna soil my oats bro
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
