I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
