how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
