Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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