We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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