You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
