"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
