My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
