It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
