Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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