Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
