mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
