Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
