Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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