Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
