Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
50% drunk capacity currently
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just puked most of my soul out..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
