also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
