Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
