your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
