I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
In America we eat man semen.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
