I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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