rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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