I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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