For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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