Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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