So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
