All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
