He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
