it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
