Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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