I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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