you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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