the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
