my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
