Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
