I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
