you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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