Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
