So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
