Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
