says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
