my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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