...so i touched it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
