Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
