I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
