party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
