Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
