sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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