Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pants are for mortals
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
