Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
