she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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