Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
