cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
